Mourning and moving on: rituals for leaving a career

> "You are formally invited to A WAKE for THE RESEARCH SCIENCE CAREER of FRANCES HOCUTT FRIDAY from 7 PM to MIDNIGHT"

When I quit my PhD I had an Ungraduation Party! My wife made a cake and everyone sang Happy Ungraduation To You! It was sad and happy but overwhelmingly such a relief to get out

> We create meaning around the stress and soften transitions with rituals and rites of passage.

I graduated into the height of the pandemic, so I never had a graduation ceremony. Instead, they played a shitty video presentation over Zoom and my parents cracked open a beer and watched it on TV.

By the time I got invited back for a ceremony, I had already moved hundreds of miles away from my university. Obviously, I turned down the offer. I sometimes wonder if I'll regret that choice later on down the line.

Before leaving every job I've had, every one, I worried, I agonized, I second guessed myself...

And every new job, every one, within a short time, I thought "I should have done this sooner!"

I think we need to have a bias for moving forward, and I think it is healthy.

That said, I remember a friend who immediately quit their job (for a legitimate reason) without having another job lined up and regretted it. They told me they should have stayed cool, lined up another job first, and then quit.

I made a similar move and felt a similar sense of loss. I wish I had had the mental clarity at the time to throw fun parties instead of just trying to keep life together. I'm comforted by the fact that in my new career there are great people, just like there were in academia, and that my friends who stayed there are either (a) truly great scientists (b) struggling basically with the same things (money, politics, , people, "work") that most people in most white collar jobs struggle with.

I'm afraid I can't relate. I initially invested a lot of time in my first choice of career (over a decade) and just left last year. I walked out the door, said goodbye, and the next day it was out of my mind. That being said, I think the key is keeping a strong mental separation between "passion for a field of work" and "predetermined path by society to actualize that passion". The latter, in my opinion, is something that one should never get attached to.

A few years ago I left a tenured position and transitioned to industry. It was quite a mixed bag of feelings, including grief for a career that I had identified myself with. It’s very difficult not to identify ourselves with our jobs.

Reminds me of Sabine Hossenfelder's "My dream died, and now I'm here"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKiBlGDfRU8

Wonder how it went for her. Probably the best decision of her life

I quit the company I was working for many times.

It was usually an opportunity to leave the drama behind, not create more.

I think this is true for most careers and prominent roles:

"When I first came to The Times in 2006, a reporter warned me not to identify myself too heavily with my work. “Any job at The Times is a rented tux,” she said."

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/16/dining/pete-wells-steps-d...

I have never mourned on career changes. I do miss access to things associated with a former career. However, I can often buy or build what I need due to strong electromechanical skills developed along the way and or as side hustle skill builder type gigs taken oppertunistically.

Learning new things and working with others more skilled than I always pays off. I end up with the skill and have a pool of help available should I need it. I myself can help others too.

First change was from manufacturing as a prototype mechanic / planning production mfg engineer to pre-sales and training related to then high end CAD software and related systems engineering. (Sgi IRIX and Win NT) I could make almost anything I modeled.

Second change was from the CAD position to General management and engineering R&D at a small company needing some of both. This was fun. I got to use all accumulated skills. I picked up several more.

Third change was into the Additive Manufacturing industry as services lead, moving into product development.

Fourth and current is tech founder in an additive related startup about to be funded. This one also allows me to use all accumulated skills. Same industry, so this is more like a move, not change.

That is three real, leave old career behind type moves.

Times change, I tend to go where the opportunity is and will do what it takes to rapidly master new aspects while employing what I know and mentoring others, usually seeking to help make more of my type available. I have a few to my credit, all doing things in ways similar to my own path.

None of that was easy. Some of it was very difficult. All of it was fun and rewarding

The best thing I did along the way was to network, cultivate friendships and help others. When I need the same, I usually get it gladly.

11 years ago i left my PhD in theoretical physics. I started so happy in 2008 and left in discontent 'cuz the corruption and culture of the institution. I started it for the love of knowledge so it was easy to leave evethough i wws about to finish. I left as a protest, i hope it had caused some ripple effects (i lost any form of contact since i left). Maybe that's the reality oh things but i wanted to do research just for the love of curiosity and knowledge but gosh why do we humans corrupt eveything? anywho... this feels right at home.

What is the "alternate career path" the author mentions but never explains? I didn't get that part.

Seems a bit dramatic

Very nice read. I remember reading the one she wrote first too. Quite moving.

I worked with someone who dropped out of a physical chemistry graduate program at one of the most prestigious universities in the U.S.. His epiphany: This has nothing to with people. He is now a physician.

This is from 10 years ago. I would be curious to know where they are now and how they feel now about this career decision and blog post.

Reading their first post about leaving https://modelviewculture.com/pieces/i-didn-t-want-to-lean-ou..., I'm not sure how seriously I should take this piece. 'They don't tell you ...'. Of course not, but they certainly hint at it. This is something that goes well beyond academia...

I can say I did it with a lot less grace as a postdoc but I did get my honorable discharge from my PhD program.

Its interesting to me how you start with career maps. Maybe this is advertising, but I made a career mapping app here - https://www.moveup.ai/for-individuals - I wonder if you would find it interesting.

This article is from 2014, the year should be included in the title

Thanks. I needed this today. :-)

(2014)

Holding a wake for one’s career and inviting people strikes me ad incredibly narcissistic.