Attention Is a Proof of Love

This is very true. Both giving and receiving attention to another human being is really important for the development of emotionally healthy connections. It is the foundation of authentic connection. This is why we've seen an epidemic of loneliness rise in step with our greater distractedness.

Giving and receiving attention is also a skill. You can get better at it.

For people, in person, this is true. But don't make this mistake for apps and websites. Just because you've managed to hook users with skinner box dopamine hits doesn't mean they love you.

Proof of love or proof of manipulation. Some twisted people pay attention to the details about you to know how to manipulate you, giving you an illusion of love or “love bombing” to get their way with you. Differentiating between the two isn’t easy, but the latter usually doesn’t last long, and sooner or later, you start picking up on other toxic signs. So don’t fall in love quickly!

In this world full of smartphones, this feels especially true: towards your kids or loved one.

The best tricks I know of are:

- Place your phone some place other than your pocket.

- And use it exclusively there: at a place where it is more directly obvious to tour sourroundings that you are occupied. Such as in a separate room or a specific corner less within sight from where the kids are playing.

- Get an Apple Watch or other device that only steal your attention for a brief moment. This will give you the comfort of knowing what’s going on, such as a colleague in need of assistance, without the lure or acting upon it at the cost of losing attention on what’s in front of you.

On the messenger type apps, on feed type apps, on most apps, I disable sound for notifications. The only sound my phone makes is the phone's ringtone when someone is calling.

I also put my phone face down when I'm in a conversation or when I'm in an activity when a child. In the latter I usually leave the phone away from me.

I find it helps a lot in keeping my attention where it's worth putting.

Love is an action. And attention is one of those actions.

Amen. Been trying to slow down, put my phone down, and look directly at my baby and be present with him as he plays and wants to share toys with dada

It is a very powerful observation. Extending from it, when you find mutual positive attention with someone, don't take it for granted. Conversely, if someone doesn't give you positive attention, unless they are just shy, drop them from your consideration. If they are shy, slow down the pace with them, but keep the interaction channel open, and see if they come back to you.

Attention is all you need?

I read your newsletter. I will repeat it again: The world needs more people like you. :-)