Common side effects of not drinking

I had to give up alcohol because of liver problems.

It's amazing for 1. all the health benefits but mostly 2. it changes your perception of life. People are under the influence of alcohol at most social events, but I'd argue it's just for one simple reason: social anxiety. When you have to deal with this anxiety instead of numbing it with alcohol, you go through an emotional and spiritual journey, where you'll uncover who others really are, but mostly who YOU really are.

I highly recommend it.

Protip: How to prevent making people uncomfortable at parties: don't talk about you drinking or not, and directly ask for a mocktail or other alcohol-free drink. If anyone asks if you are not drinking, say "maybe later" and they'll just forget about it.

I've never had a drink, and the primary motivator for me was that I enjoy keeping my mind sharp at all times. Plus, I find the loud and drinking crowd obnoxious and irritating, and I have nothing common with them. As soon as people start drinking, I leave because the resulting conversation descends into the inane.

Life without drinking alcohol is great, and I've never once regretted it. If I need to relax I go birdwatching and spend time watching birds.

As with most things, this doesn't have to be a binary decision "drinking vs not drinking". I consciously decided to drink very little at social events some years ago. A glass of wine is enough to stop any social anxiety, you will have something to hang on to while circulating, nobody will ask why you don't drink anything, your brain will still work, you will still be able to enjoy the taste, and you won't have a hangover the next morning. The trick is to extend the lifetime of the glass to 2-3 hours by sipping only tiny amounts.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

Do people really drink that much alcohol? It’s funny because in the article she quotes her friend saying they drink once a month or so. That’s just always been my default. I hardly ever drink, but I don’t actively shun it. I guess when I’m hanging out with friends we’re playing board games or D&D or other things that require you to at least somewhat have your senses about you. Maybe I just have boring friends. The key to good habits is to just be a turbo nerd apparently.

Not to dismiss the author, but a good chunk of the negative experience and reduced social interaction are just part of getting older. It's very common to drink alcohol when younger, and drink less to nothing past 30.

> It’s a sudden realisation that the reality is not as pleasant without alcohol as it is with alcohol.

The same happens with party drugs. Of course you love the world and yourself while your brain is getting showered in exceptionally high levels of dopamine/serotonine/whatever, and afterwards the sober world is comparatively boring and depressing. But you cannot live inside a perpetual high. It would become the norm, and end up boring too, like an everlasting orgasm would soon be a nuisance. We must go down to go up again, and chemical highs can help sometimes, but not anymore than videogames help killing time. The greatest highs are those that are difficult to achieve. But even then, the come-down is hard. Bronze-medal winners come home the happiest: Silver winners are devastated because they almost got there but made a terrible mistake; Gold winners have nothing else to go for anymore, and are disappointed that the applause and congratulations are over in a day after a life of dedication.

Not a huge fan of the way it's framed here. This is a very personal experience framed as very general guidelines. And some of the assumptions I find a little much:

- if you drink alcohol, you probably need therapy

- you only think you come from a functional family because you drink alcohol

Also: there are many types of drinking alcohol! Drinking a glass every once in a while, Vs getting drunk every weekend, etc. I wish the author had been clearer on where they were coming from instead of lumping everyone together. She mentioned she was from London, where I hear the drinking culture can be heavier, closer to "go for a few drinks after work every day", which is useful context for a lot of the "side-effects" she experienced.

I'm also always generally perplexed by people's relationship to their culture. This person sounds like they're in a complicated web of push/pull with their culture and expectations from it. I've personally never really felt those; I make up my own mind whether to follow or not what my culture does. Someone drinking alcohol or not is just registered as a boring trait for me, like their eye colour or hair colour. It's so entirely inconsiquential. If someone pushes on that: I just don't care? But that's just me. And I can understand how it might be different in a heavier drinking culture.

I like the article but I don't agree that somehow not drinking gives you a more real/unfiltered view of reality (and maybe sufferance as the author describes).

Personally I don't love the narrative of the "pure" or "natural" way of living. Sure, alcohol is not a natural experience for which your body was designed, but so is caffeine to enhance your brain alertness, the amount and types of calories we eat every day, the use of internet and all the various devices, and many more behaviors. The point is, our lives are so irreparably artificial (and note: I'm not against the notion) that I would urge anybody to drop the "realness" argument as a reason to do anything.

Your perception of reality is given by chemicals in your brain. If you decide that alcohol is bad for your existence, then great for you, but I find it a bit condescending (and pointless) to say that those who use alcohol are "less honest" about their reality.

One side effect is not blowing your brains out with a gun, like my alcoholic brother did.

Never drank alcohol in my life.

I am glad I grew up in a culture where alcohol was not normalized.

As a casual non-drinker, I gotta say I don't envy this person her former life of friends who also like alcohol.

I am friends with plenty of people who drink, and I can't say it's been an issue with them that I don't drink. I'll fully admit this could be a difference in genders :(. But usually I just say something like "I've discovered I experience hangovers the next day no matter how little alcohol I drink" and people let it go.

I don't have to lie, and everyone collectively moves on. Every day I wake up after drinking I'm reminded of why I don't drink that often for sure. I do it about once a year, and not for any social pressure.

Wow. What an utterly myopic and dismal view. Maybe she should drink and leave us without this written piece if it’s really all that bad.

I stopped drinking and don’t experience a single one of these problems that she so confidently espouses you’ll face.

Not everything has to be so doom and gloom. My life is better than it has ever been. I take pride in the fact that I’m strong enough to avoid alcohol, but I certainly don’t gloat about it. If someone pressures me, I just explain the truth: alcohol truly and inexplicably fucks my stomach up.

End of story.

End of guilting me for drinks.

This just feels like a pity party thrown for either likes or for acknowledgment about how terrible a choice is that _you_ made.

I quit drinking over 20 years ago.

There’s a trick to it. I don’t discuss my prior habit and I don’t mention quitting.

I decline drinking when asked and I do not offer an explanation.

Let your no be no.

I haven’t experienced any of the social pariah results that the author experienced. YMMV.

I rarely drink and I haven't really experienced any of the issues the author describes. Maybe it's a cultural thing? Judgement, not being invited, people thinking you're less fun, etc, never seen any of this. It sounds to me that you would run into those issues if you strongly define yourself by and preach by your not drinking. But then again, that applies to any modern fad preaching, people don't like to have your personal preferences pushed that far down their throat.

Maybe if you do notice a significant difference in your life with or without alcohol then it is a sign of a somewhat problematic relationship with it.

I drink sometimes, most times I don't. The rare times I am asked why I don't drink I say "I don't feel like it" and everybody moves on with their life.

Maybe I'm lucky, but it's hard for me to understand why alcohol consumption or the self-imposed deprivation of it is such an important personality trait for so many.

> [Alcohol] doesn’t hide the pains of our reality, not successfully.

I don't want to be a Judgey Judgerson but if this is why you're drinking, you probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Don't get me wrong, there are friendships that rely far too much on being drunk, at the bar/pub/club, etc, etc which get boring as life trumps on, but relying on alcohol to camouflage life indicates you need bigger changes than alcohol cessation.

I don’t drink due to complications with my epilepsy. I also don’t drink sparkling water or carbonated drinks because the carbonation is incredibly painful for my throat.

Thankfully having the epilepsy as an angle excuses me from the barrage of people who ask why I don’t drink. There’s still the occasional pushers but they stigmatize themselves when everyone else realizes.

Not drinking does definitely hurt your social life though, in the same way that not smoking or not doing drugs does. It’s about the shared social activity of it all, as much as how it makes one feel. However if you’re just semi proactive in suggesting hanging out with people, and set your own social terms, people just naturally adapt to it.

Not drinking has never negatively affected me in the long run socially because of that.

The biggest issue has been dating because while I can explain away my medical condition professionally and socially in other scenarios, it’s difficult to do so when dating as disclosing a medical issue can implicitly be seen as a “defect” in a possible future mating partner for many people. Thankfully, again, just setting the social parameters yourself often just works, and the people who are put off by it aren’t great future partners to begin with.

I can relate to this blog post. It's a great summary. I stopped drinking a couple of years ago (no drama involved) and I've found the most positive side-effect has been that I have a legitimate excuse to exit social situations that I am tired of. Want to leave a party early because you're not feeling it? No longer will you be encouraged to have "just one more", it's generally just accepted.

I've not given up drinking, because I think it's a genuinely marvellous thing, especially with a good meal, but I've confined myself to drinking on four occasions in the year. Four days for Christmas, four days for Easter, and two weekends at other points in the year. It means I've got something to look forward to (because I only eat meat on those occasions too), but means I'm generally healthy.

People can choose to not drink for any reason and that's completely chill/acceptable, but a subset of the new wave of sober people are acting quite bizarre about it. I've encountered several people who are treating it like it's something everyone around them needs to know about and compliment them on. I know several people who have been sober for years and I only even found out about it because eventually it was noticeable they were drinking non-alcoholic beer, ordering mocktails, etc. If asked, "I'm sober because X" and we move on. The new wave though post about it constantly on social media and bring it up constantly at social occasions. This post is suggesting people won't think you are fun and will stop inviting you "because you are sober" when in actuality some people just make themselves incredibly annoying and attention seeking. Those of drinking age aren't in elementary school anymore and are not in need of social gratification or gold stars.

I was "that guy" who didn't drink all pretty much all the way through college. I've definitely made some great memories that I associate with drinking, but I also have noticed myself being less mentally sharp than I'd like, and I wonder how much of that can be attributed to alcohol. I'll have to give total sobriety a try again.

Quit drinking last December. I didn't quit due to addiction but due another family member in the house having issues with alcohol. I rarely miss it. I definitely get a lot more done on the weekends. Also it made it easy to drop 15 pounds of excess weight.

The photo illustrating the post is a funny comparison: author holding a glass of drug A (alcohol) vs author holding a cup of - most likely - drug B (caffeine).

Don't take this as a critique to the overall article, I actually liked the reflections.

As someone who took a year-long break from alcohol, I found this article quite relatable. These days, I rarely consume more than one or two drinks at social events.

The most challenging aspect of this lifestyle change was dealing with acquaintances' assumptions. Many presumed I must have developed a serious problem to quit drinking entirely.

For context, my peer group and I began binge drinking in our early teens (around 14-15 years old) and gradually reduced our intake towards our late twenties.

I didn't have any great moments of enlightenment like the author but I believe it's a healthy challenge for one to do if alcohol has been a big part of your life growing up.

Not sure where to start as this article is well... Anyway

I've never been a regular drinker and honestly don't care what people think or say. I regularly refuse to participate in office socializing dinners and it's all good for me - as these usually turn into bad drinking stories and over reactions.

I've always felt great not drinking much and so should you if your like many of us.

Stay fit and healthy and surround yourself with similar people.

I took a break from drinking a few years ago and just never went back. I wanted to second OP's sparkling water claim -- I am rarely caught without a can of some overpriced soda water.

I don't like the purity around sobriety so I've made a point of drinking a toast once in a while. otherwise, modern de-alcoholized beer is quite enjoyable.

there is also a moral dimension to it where I just can't afford certain risks. while I probably take myself too seriously but to a great extent, I got sober because I developed a sense of low trust for my environment as the result of broader social changes and I'm of a demographic that can no longer afford moments of carelessness.

a lot of this stuff is culturally specific, and in particular a lot of what she documents seems to be specific to the highly-alcoholic culture of the uk

As a non-drinker from eastern origin I always found the pressure on western fellows to drink fascinating. Almost if you didn't you were a pariah

This hits hard for some I guess:

> When you lose friends, it’s because you’ll realise that without alcohol, they don’t have much in common with you.

I don’t drink alcohol anymore. But I still drink. 0% alcohol beverages. 0.0 beers. Or <0.5% beers. I especially like IPA or Weissbeers

I still get invited for drinking. I still join parties. I still act crazy. Just without the bad side effects.

Note: going to a dance party the whole night still gives you a hangover. But because you were active. Not because of the alcohol. It’s less extreme.

Alcohol causes me anxiety. It has gotten worse as I have gotten older. The side effects of one drink are mild enough that I can still drink socially once in while if I am careful. If I have more, it is 24+ hours of unpleasantness. Luckily I don’t have trouble stopping. My life would be hell if I did.

Absolutely zero benefits to drinking at all. Stopped drinking in any appreciable amounts at 23 after I started getting 2 day hangovers.

Dabbled with the devil's lettuce for over a decade before quitting cold turkey.

Don't recommend either. Sobriety and being straight edged is uncool but FMl it does give you clarity of mind.

I do drink occasionally but I can go forever without drinking. It doesn’t bother me.

My relationship with smoking is different though. I smoke on occasion but I crave it for the next day or two. If someone told me smoking was healthy, I would start today.

I strongly advise against getting into casual smoking.

There is alcohol free beer. Tastes ok and is socially accepted. people often do not realize that you are not drinking.

So basically the author is feeling lonely. That’s the primary message sugar coated in a long blog post, but when you have constructed your social life around drinking, it’s no surprise. The majority of people in the west actually construct their social lives around drinking, which is why it feels lonely not to drink, so it’s more of a societal problem than anything else.

So much justification for such a bad habit. Why not just drink water and be content with it?

This person is 99% on target as far as I'm concerned. I disagree with a few of the negatives like "you’ll be less honest" and "you’ll have less courage", probably because there's a difference between quitting and never having really gotten into it properly in the first place.

Drinking was never normal for me, so I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. This means I don't for example feel the need to be dishonest in the ways she describes.

You’ll probably say fuck a lot more as well.

That's a dark post. Ymmv with this, it seems.

I quit because I couldn't drink much of anything without getting a headache. Still drink NA beer, since I'm a big beer fan. (Review: meh. But darker beers are more passable.)

My overall experience has been positive. I'm also older than the author of TFA, and though not wiser, when you're older no one gives a fuck what you do, and they don't give a fuck what you think. So a lot of these social problems go away.

I've learned that posts with this kind of tone are often motivated solely for the benefit of the writer, not the reader.

Spend some time with addicts and the ones who choose to share advice instead of personal experience are often a long way from healing because they haven't built the courage to look inside themselves yet. They speak this way because they're scared.

She's obviously working through some things.

A private journal might work better than a public one, because then she could delve into many of the topics she went light on: her sexuality, her relationship with her therapist, her self-image.

Yet another thing she may be addicted to? Attention.

Talk therapy works for many types of disorders. Group therapy scales some but not all. Because certain personality disorders manifest as everyone in the group trying to one up each other.

There are huge swaths of blog and Facebook culture (and even academic publishing) that enable this. Best to avoid participating.