No Salt
The author visits his terminally ill brother Jake, reflecting on their improved relationship and shared interests. He takes on funeral arrangements and plans to prepare a meal for Jake and Bess.
Read original article
The author reflects on the emotional turmoil of visiting his brother Jake, who is nearing the end of his battle with cancer. Jake's wife, Bess, is overwhelmed and unable to manage post-death arrangements, prompting the author to take on the responsibility of finding a funeral home. He grapples with the transactional nature of funeral services while reminiscing about his strained relationship with Jake, which has improved through shared experiences, including their mutual interest in cooking and psychedelics. The author describes the stark reality of Jake's condition, noting the absence of food in their home, which symbolizes the loss of Jake's passion for cooking. A poignant moment occurs when he discovers an empty salt container, leading him to weep, as it signifies the end of Jake's culinary contributions. The author resolves to prepare a simple meal for Bess and Jake, emphasizing the importance of food in their lives and the deep emotional connections tied to it. The narrative captures themes of grief, familial bonds, and the struggle to find meaning in the face of impending loss.
- The author is visiting his brother Jake, who is terminally ill with cancer.
- Jake's wife, Bess, is struggling to cope with the situation and manage funeral arrangements.
- The author reflects on their previously strained relationship and their shared interests in cooking and psychedelics.
- A significant moment occurs when the author finds an empty salt container, symbolizing Jake's inability to cook.
- The author plans to prepare a meal for Bess and Jake, highlighting the emotional significance of food.
Related
It's Getting Harder to Die
In a world of advancing medical technology, families navigate end-of-life care decisions. Personal stories illustrate the emotional weight. The article advocates for discussing preferences and planning ahead for a peaceful process.
I tried to finish a dead man's novel
The author is entrusted with a deceased man's unfinished novel by his widow, presenting a complex narrative. He grapples with insecurities and the weight of completing someone else's story, reflecting on the challenges of writing and the burden of unfinished works.
What it's like to dissect a cadaver
The author shares insights from a 5-hour cadaver dissection, discussing human body intricacies, evolution, neural networks, and consciousness. Friends express interest in future dissections, fostering curiosity and learning.
Starting Hospice
Jake Seliger has entered hospice care due to advanced squamous cell carcinoma. He reflects on his life, expresses gratitude, and encourages donations to cancer research while preparing for his impending loss.
- Many commenters share personal experiences with loss and the impact of illness on family relationships.
- Expressions of grief and sorrow are prevalent, with several commenters offering condolences and support.
- Food and cooking are highlighted as significant ways to express love and connection, resonating with the author's plans for a meal.
- There is a call for continued awareness and discussion around health issues, particularly related to clinical trials and ALS.
- Several comments reflect on the importance of cherishing relationships and the memories created with loved ones.
29 commentsStarting Hospice - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41157974 - Aug 2024 (116 comments)
The feeling of seeing something the person will never use again is soul wrenching. I wept when I read the line "No salt. No salt means that he’s not cooking. He’ll never cook again."
The child is a ray of light for me whenever I see it, I hope the family can find a little comfort in this piece of him that will be brought into the world.
I have followed this story for a while now and wish the family a brighter path in the future. Thank you for focussing my thoughts on what is important, instead of the daily tech grind.
My dad is rapidly loosing his battle with ALS. He has always loved to cut grass. He has very limited mobility (in some ways he is lucky, most people with late stage ALS are basically paralyzed. His progression is respiratory focuses so he is loosing the ability to breath faster than the ability to walk) but with some assistance has still been able to use my zero turn mower and get a little joy out of cutting my grass.
Just this Sunday he reached the point where he can't cut anymore...I guess he is out of salt :'(
It’s more that food, cooking, and eating (alone and with other people) seem like some of the most human things you can do. And so trying to optimize them out of existence feels wrong, a crime against culture. Long after the AIs have replaced entire classes of jobs and hobbies, cooking will still be around.
I really hope his wife (or brother, or both) will continue writing after he moves on.
RIP Jake. May heaven have the most extravagant spice cabinet waiting for you.
The day that I think changed our relationship we went on a hike together. While we were driving there he had a bunch of anxiety about it, and wanted to back out. I managed to convince him to come with me and just let all his feelings out; he just yelled at me the entire drive there about a lot of different things. Including my treatment of him.
That hike to this day was the best I've ever been on. Everybody has a different relationship with their brother, but I genuinely do not and cannot imagine this existence without mine. He understands me in ways that nobody else does. He gets my jokes that nobody else does. Having a brother you are close with just _almost_ proves you don't die alone.
And just like a water baby, baby born to float
And if life is a wild wind that blows way on high
Then your heart is Amelia dying to fly
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes - Mary Black
I held our little girl as the vet helped her go to sleep and told her: “It’s ok. You can rest now. We love you so much, but you don’t have to fight for us anymore. Lay down and sleep. It won’t hurt anymore.”
I’m glad Jake is surrounded by people who love him. I’m sure they’re telling him the same things. And I’m also sure it’s harder for them to let go of their beloved husband and brother than it will be for him to close his eyes and finally rest.
Sending much love his way, and also theirs.
At the end of the day, what more can we wish for in a human life than this?
When I was 20, I witnessed my dad collapse in front of me as the result of years-long battle with heart disease, failed to help him with CPR, and saw him "officially" die in front of my eyes at a hospital 30 minutes later.
Barely hours later I am in a funeral home trying to make arrangements for a cremation because he had no will, assets, or last wishes, and yea, that transactional vibe hit really hard - they were feigning empathy, but I was 20, broke, just suffered a pretty traumatic event and was in quite a vulnerable state. It felt disgusting that they were trying to "upsell" me on services and every step of the process felt designed to wring every single dime that I had out of me. Luckily I didn't have much to give at that time or I probably would have.
Sending all the love I can to you Jake Bess and family. I wish somehow I could do anything to change this or make you feel better.
Jake Seliger’s posts have been great in detailing the process he’s taken to fight the disease. I am grateful for his work.
> Jake loves his plug-in induction stovetop, and thinks it worthwhile despite its cost.
These are Amazon affiliate links to random crap in the middle of a blog about a brother dying to cancer about to leave a pregnant wife. What is happening here.
https://archive.ph/bessstillman.substack.com
(Archive listing jseliger's wife Bess Stillman on clinical trials (including how to navigate them as patients) as well as comments)
Suggestions for concrete directions that have been mentioned, that are worth highlighting, in order of importance:
0) assume good faith
1) promote (& improve) Right-to-Try
https://www.fda.gov/media/133864/download#:~:text=Right%20to....
2) donate to (or even joining!) HN-adjacent Arc Institute (mRNA translational research)
3) sue the FDA for clinical trials, in general. This is not a call to attack on the FDA, but perhaps the best way, to improve processes, that is available to citizens.
Here's one case https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2023/10/xocova-en...
The celebration of life at a later date can then be organized when all involved are feeling up to it.
(Archive listing jseliger's wife Bess Stillman on clinical trials (including how to navigate them as patients) as well as comments)
Suggestions for concrete directions that have been mentioned, that are worth highlighting, in order of importance:
0) assume good faith
1) promote (& improve) Right-to-Try
https://www.fda.gov/media/133864/download#:~:text=Right%20to....
2) donate to (or even joining!) HN-adjacent Arc Institute (for mRNA translational research)
3) sue the FDA for clinical trials, in general. This is NOT a call to attack the FDA, but perhaps the best way, to improve processes, that is available to citizens.
Here's one case https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2023/10/xocova-en...
Related
It's Getting Harder to Die
In a world of advancing medical technology, families navigate end-of-life care decisions. Personal stories illustrate the emotional weight. The article advocates for discussing preferences and planning ahead for a peaceful process.
I tried to finish a dead man's novel
The author is entrusted with a deceased man's unfinished novel by his widow, presenting a complex narrative. He grapples with insecurities and the weight of completing someone else's story, reflecting on the challenges of writing and the burden of unfinished works.
What it's like to dissect a cadaver
The author shares insights from a 5-hour cadaver dissection, discussing human body intricacies, evolution, neural networks, and consciousness. Friends express interest in future dissections, fostering curiosity and learning.
Starting Hospice
Jake Seliger has entered hospice care due to advanced squamous cell carcinoma. He reflects on his life, expresses gratitude, and encourages donations to cancer research while preparing for his impending loss.