Online dating apps struggle as people swear off swiping

Not surprisingly these articles never talk about men’s experiences. Only women or “people”

I met my ex on Bumble; we were together for about 5 years. I met the man I'm currently dating on Hinge. Both times when getting back into dating after long relationships I heard that dating apps sucked, and that it would take forever to meet someone I actually like, and to prepare myself for a string of bad experiences. So I kind of prepared for the worst and thought of it as just practice for talking to people.

Luckily, every man I met was a legitimately interesting and cool person. I only got _slightly_ uncomfortable vibes from one of them, and he (like all the others) handled it very maturely when I later told him I just wasn't feeling a connection. None except one ended up being a romantic match, but I had a really nice time talking with all of them.

Maybe part of it is just that I'm pretty particular with who I bother talking to and meeting. I don't have much energy or time for meeting new people, so don't schedule many dates. On the other hand, this also means my positive experience is not very trustworthy, as it is likely I just haven't met enough people to give myself a proper chance at a negative experience.

Nevertheless, I do not find dating apps fun or pleasant in any way - they're more like a means to an end that I'd rather step away from as soon as I meet someone I actually like. This tends to be a bad strategy, as from what I understand the other party often doesn't approach focus or exclusivity on the same timeline. So there's a risk of a mismatch in investment (time and emotional), which can become a problem.

The problem with online dating sites is that from a financial perspective, their incentive is to keep you from finding someone who causes you to stop using the site. Every single A/B test and algo run with revenue or engagement as the metric to be optimized is actually doing the opposite of what users want and preventing really good matchups.

The article makes it sound as if „200 question“ dating sited like eHarmony were any better, but it’s scientifically proven that there’s no correlation between such questionnaire matches and actual relationship compatibility

Off topic pretty much: my then 13-year-old daughter told me (divorced x 4 years at the time) not to use online dating sites as they were for losers and weirdos. That was in 1996.

In 2008, in her final year of law school at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, she met a guy on JDate whom she subsequently married in 2012; they just celebrated their 12th wedding anniversary.

Here's the thing: he lived three blocks from her; at the time he was an associate at law firm Jones Day, working 90 hours/week; no way would the two of them ever have met absent the internet.

I think the swiping model actually works better for compatibility in serious relationships than the question based ones, because the questions are not actually about anything important (lots of political questions- I don’t date based on politics)- but the simplicity of swiping lets you just interact with a lot of people until you find the right one. I met my fiancee on Tinder 3 years ago, wedding is next week! My advice is to read the bios and swipe based on more than just looks- interesting hobbies, fun, playful, and personal integrity are important also. The down to earth introverted and nerdy women I’m compatible with, like my fiancee tend to spend less time staging flashy photos to look attractive in a bio.

"Dating" means different things to different people. Some people A) are really looking for potential life/long-term partners and want to take it really slow, others B) are really looking for sex partners with varying degrees of commitment. The general standards and expectations for A and B vary widely amongst individuals, so widely that really IMHO any dating app can't effectively promise anything other than "we'll introduce you to people" unless it explicitly limits its target group to A or B. Even then, people will lie to try get what they want, especially in cultures where honesty about sexual needs and goals is not valued or is only valued if part of a greater economic/societal goal which often has a perceived or actual high bar of entry.

Regarding ecomonics: IMHO there is a general social breakdown related to the general economic breakdown for the non-rich in the U.S.

It's easy to have fun with social and sexual life when it's easy to take care of your basic needs like food, medical care, housing, etc. The 1970's was a lot of fun I guess at least in certain places of the country. Having fun in general has gotten much more difficult for non-rich people over the past 30 years, and it makes intimate/fun social relations also much more difficult. Example: Being a single person living with one's parents because they cannot afford a house or apartment places one at a significant disadvantage, more so if male than female, but females living with their parents and trying to have a dating life may have a hard time.

Yep I’m never doing online dating again.

Totally not something I want as part of my life.

I've been a big fan of IRL singles events in my area recently. Speed dating and mixers are great ways to meet quality people who are in the same boat as you. I highly recommend them!

With generative AI for text, images, and now even video, it must be harder than ever to know if you are even talking to a real person.

Why hasn't this space been disrupted? All of these apps are the same scam-like experience filled with dark pattern UX. They purposely limit communication & exposure behind paywalls, while allowing bots to roam free. Also most of them are owned by the same company https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Match_Group

I think this is great news.

Social media gets a lot of deserved blame for worsening our ability to connect meaningfully across interests and differences in beliefs.

But I have to imagine dating apps have been nearly as bad in terms of their impact on emotional development alongside another person.

They commoditized relationships, whether intentionally or not. They squarely fit the bill of “too much of a good thing”. Relationships are hard, and dating apps removed the incentive (i.e. avoiding the effort of having to find someone new) to work through the hard shit.

I’m sure there’s been a net positive effect for some demos or cohorts. My bet though is a significant number of people are facing an increasingly harder time finding meaningful, long-lasting relationships, either because they or their partner have too high of expectations for how “easy” they should be, and they know they only need a few swipes in an app to reset and try again.

I’d argue that it’s not just online dating apps that are struggling. I think as a culture we’re struggling. Dating apps are just an indicator of that.

I’m currently on a self-improvement journey where I’m literally now injecting “research chemicals” shipped in from China just because it’s the only way I’m gonna get good looking enough to compete in this ridiculous market. As much as I’ve improved myself over the years I’ve been alive, the standards have gone even higher. That said, I’m not sure if the improved version I’ve made of myself would’ve done well ten years ago either. Maybe I was always doomed to die alone.

Marriage rates down 70% compared to 50 years ago. Natural selection will play out here.